


A Mad Sort

by WritingRenegade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 15:23:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12484736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingRenegade/pseuds/WritingRenegade
Summary: Frustration makes us all do crazy things sometimes; the sorting hat is no exception.





	A Mad Sort

The sorting hat was feeling a bit dumpier than usual at this first year feast. Year after year it sat in the headmasters office watching a parade of students waltz through to be punished for some mean-hearted prank they’d pulled on a student from a rival house. Year after year it sang a new song on trying for house unity that not even the headmaster listened to. 

“Malfoy, Draco” Minerva called another first year forward and placed it on the child’s head.

 _“Well now child where shall we place you?”_ the hat pondered half to itself as it lazily searched for defining attributes.

 _“As if that’s even a question,”_ the boy scoffed, _“I’m Slytherin obviously.”_

_“Are you now? And what makes you so sure?”_

_“My family’s been Slytherin for generations. To belong to another house would be a stain on my name.”_

And the hat was just done, this child didn’t understand at all. No one understood! AND HADN’T FOR YEARS! Forget responsibility and placing students in appropriate houses! If they wanted to eat themselves alive the hat’d bloody well help them do it!

_“No I don’t think Slytherin is the right house for you.”_

_“…What.”_

_“Not the right qualities for a Slytherin at all. Better be…_

“GRYFFINDOR!”

There was dead silence in the hall. A Malfoy, in Gryffindor? Even the unflappable Minerva looked shaken as she called the next first year forward and Draco Malfoy walked towards his new house table with the same gravitas as one would walk to the gallows.

The hat was still stewing but felt a bit better by the time Minerva called “Potter, Harry!” The hall once again fell into whispering silence as the hat was placed on the boys head.

_“And where would you like to be placed lad?”_

_“A-anywhere but Slytherin please?”_ The hat felt the irritation spark up again, WHY? Why was one house so great and another so awful! They all had important attributes that were needed! 

_“Slytherin you say?”_

_“What? No wait!”_

_“Well alright then”_

_“That’s not what I—"_

“SLYTHERIN!”

The hat was removed and a very dejected boy who lived went to face his doom. 

A few more names passed and it was dropped on a red head. 

_“Another Weasley”_ the hat sighed.

_“How’d you know?”_

_“…I may not have ears boy but that doesn’t mean I can’t hear a teacher calling out a child’s name from right next to me. ”_

_“Oh right, sorry.”_

_“A bright one you are_ (the hat would deny sarcasm till it’s last thread came loose), _better be..._

“RAVENCLAW!”

The hat may look back with guilt later for what it had wrought at this first year feast but for now it felt perfectly vindicated.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this changes everything, or maybe nothing. What do you think? :)


End file.
